What I learned about life from making a salad!
Your growth won’t always be appreciated by others; choose whatever suits you best and leave the rest behind.
I love salads. Not because I’m in a constant weight-loss diet but I genuinely think they taste good AND are healthy. The Healthy side should be taken with a grain of salt actually, as we all know it depends on what we put into our bowls.
I particularly love Salad bars where you can be very creative and choose only the things you like. It’s always a pleasant experience. By the way, I have never seen anyone mad at a salad he has created on his own, except maybe for the price at the end, but that’s another topic.
Well, I’m not here to talk about food literally but to tell you the analogy I made between how we should live our lives and this heaven sent dish.
One night last week, while making my very strange blend of salad ingredients, I had a though about how I wanted my life to be exactly like the « thing » i was doing. It wasn’t a mess, but a result of my choices as questionable and contradictory as they could seem to everybody else, they were mine and I was just happy.
It is something that feels almost impossible in real life to do without herculean efforts. Everything seems to be dictated from outside, and while you try to make your way through life, there will always be guardians of the boxes and old-you kingdom, to try and bring you back right where you were before you decided to change.
We are born in families we didn’t choose (I think Oprah Winfrey’s Womb would have been a better choice for me, that woman is rich! instead, i’m here struggling to make ends meet!!).
That family or our primary environment shapes our beliefs and overall view about life, values, what is right or wrong. Then we go to school from kindergarten to college, and meet other people who eventually make us reconsider some of our early beliefs. Or we go through situations that make us start to think out of our boxes.
The problem is, as you grow, the people you have met in a certain phase of your life often expect you to keep the same convictions they have shared with you or to remain the exact same person they knew. And while trying to please them, you loose yourself.
Why is it for others to accept the choices we make for our lives? We live in a constant fear of what people will think if we change this or that. Being familiar with comments like « oh, now he thinks he’s better than us », we even hold ourselves back from the things we want just to not disappoint others.
But who are we kidding? At the end of the day, we are the frustrated ones.
Until we become true to ourselves and effectively live according to what we think is better for ourselves, we will not have a fulfilled life. I don’t think life is about pursuing happiness through material things; it has more to do with being at peace with who you are in the moment and the choices you are making in life.
Depending on your context, escaping your assumed box can seem unachievable. You must find the strength inside you to break free from people judgements.
Here is an example from my life and I can ensure you this is just a sample of what I experience on a daily basis.
I found myself in situations where I had to explain to my family & friends back in Africa that I’m a feminist by choice and I only want a better representation of all women in our society. I got comments like « It’s true: Europe change people, now she is trying to force her “whiteness” down our throats »; when all I did was stating my point of view, not even in an attempt to educate anyone cause I’m too lazy for that.
Apparently for them, being a black feminist is a sacrilege and an effort from Satan to destroy the very foundation of our society. It’s viewed as a blatant disrespect towards our almighty men who deserve every type of submission at all cost. Let them be useless assholes, dusties or whatever, rules are rules: submit sister!
On the other hand, I have been debating with some occidental feminists who literally hated men, and looked down on women who preferred to be stay-at-home moms instead of pursuing a career. Saying that I don’t see any problem with that, backfired on me.
Trying to fit in with both parties left me exhausted. So I stopped explaining myself and shaped what I thought was MY definition of a “black, young, romantic, who loves men, to cook and advocate for gender equality” Feminist. Does that make me any more or less feminist? Says who? I’m waiting for their lawyer.
Same goes for all the things I wasn’t doing or accepting before and now I do. Each time my mentality shifted or improved, I got me some « you are not supposed to like this because of who you are suppose to be » vibes from my surroundings. But I’ve decided not to let them stop me anymore.
I’m making my own salad from now on, with meat avocado and…banana if i want to. I dare you to tell me it doesn’t taste good in my own mouth!
To sum up, adulthood is about battling with the choices we have to make for ourselves everyday. And every individual has the right to decide how he wants to live his life at every stage, as long as his choices doesn’t hurt anyone else.
Above all, You have the right to think this today and flip tomorrow because you simply changed your mind. Your choices should be solely yours whether they are blurred for some people or completely against each other, who cares? They might not like it; but it’s your responsibility to craft your life to your taste for your own sanity and happiness.
And if you are the one holding your friends back, please stop confining people into your boxes and let them improve and do whatever they want. Just because their choices aren’t what you know/expect, doesn’t make them less respectable. Instead, learn to rediscover the new version of them, they might end up inspiring you.
Thank you for reading :)
