Beware of crumbs feeders
Disclaimer: I’m no relationship expert and I don’t intend to be one, there are way many internet love gurus out there, you all don’t need me to add on that. This is an isolated case of me discussing love!
With that being said, I had a story on my mind and wanted to talk about it. It’s about my homegirl, let’s call her ‘boo-boo’ (as in boo-boo the fool, yes! and you will understand why).
My dear Boo-boo had been dating this guy for almost 3 years when they broke up, because he wasn’t ready for a long term commitment. He is the kind of guy who can’t tell you what he wants to do for the next 2 years. No plan, no ambition, just happy with his 9/5 job doing the legal bare minimum, spending time with his buddies at the mall for no reason... Dazol! (that’s all). Unlike her, miss wonder woman who expects so much from life.
That guy litteraly told her that considering their different origins, his family won’t accept her — (What about Him?) — in her head, she translated it as « he loves me but his relatives are the bad ones ». Mind you, he still had full access to her as an emotional pillow, Cook, sex partner, buddy..all a girlfriend can be to you. But he prepared her not to expect anything more from him. And it worked. They only did things when it was convenient for him. She always wanted them to travel together but it never happened.
This went on for 2 more years on and off.. Their situationship / entanglement was like a sword of Damocles hanging over all the relationships she was trying to pursue after that; because He was never too far, making sure he isn’t forgotten.
- Is she moving out? He will give her his car.
- Coronavirus? she can come to his place, for them to quarantine together.
- But whenever she tries to understand what they are or if they could have more in the future, it turns into a fight and he disappears for 2 weeks or more.
One day she got mad because she discovered that the first 3 years of their relationship he had messed up with a girl she knew. A few months later, she discovered some pictures of his engagement party he never talked about...When she called him out, he said « I didn’t marry her at the end, did I? so get over it ». Just like that! Again he ghosted her for 2 weeks, the reason being “why was she looking into his personal stuffs”? She was livid!
After the two weeks, he bought a gift for her mom saying «I remember, you told me your mother like this…». Guess what? She was sooo happy and found the attention super cute. I almost fainted when I saw her all excited about that. C’mon boo-boo!
I mean you don’t need glasses to see when someone is being stringed along. I’ve seen that many times, and almost been there myself. One thing I know for sure is that it was not my place to tell her to literaly dump him, she wouldn’t anyway. I can only help her confront her choices and let her decide. But what is tiresome is hearing the phrase « He used me!» each time.
Listen, No one can use you unless you make yourself usable. It’s as simple as that.
I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive, I know things can be complicated sometimes. But what I want you to understand is your responsibility when it comes to your life decisions, your actions and how you deal with things that happen to you. Too often we love to hang on to the victim position cause it reinforces the feeling of hopelessness.
Someone who can’t show consistency with his attention, love, dedication, presence etc, is not worth your energy. Many people out there like to give just enough to ensure they have a place under your sun but you can never get the whole them. When you call it out or complain, you are the needy and nagging one.
I suggest not even waste your time nagging, crumb feeders only do what they know best: feed you with crumbs. Don’t expect more, don’t act shocked or disappointed because you alone made a fool out of yourself, not them.
Your Time is the best asset you have, if you don’t value your time, no one will.
The major mistake you people who are being crumb-feeded do, is trying hard to win the other person over, to get their attention or love, to make them see that you are the one they need. No booboo, they ain’t blind, it’s just not you.
If your energy is consistently unmatched, don’t fall for the small rebounds, run for the hills instead.
You are not a pigeon to accept crumbs.
Thanks for reading :)
